Defy Categorization

I saw a real live woodchuck yesterday! Cool!

Today is America's Independence Day, which is a huge deal in my town. While I'm not right downtown, participating in the festivities, I am watching the country's oldest celebration parade on TV. I'm dressed in red, white and blue, as is my tradition, and just enjoying the day. Later on, I'll drink Sam Adams Summer Ale and eat steak sandwiches and chips, and maybe go see fireworks in my ex's town with him and the wifish and kids. My own town had their fireworks last night, silly town, and I missed it. *sigh* Oh well.

A couple of pictures of my town today:

http://www.csmonitor.com/2008/0703/csmimg/ABRISTOL_P2.jpg

http://blog.sellsiusrealestate.com/wp-content/bristol-ri-red-whilte-bloe-stripe.gif

http://www.fettes.com/extrac/Pipe%20Band/bristol.jpg

This day always gets me thinking about patriotism. I've grown up in America's Most Patriotic Town. My first year in Rainbow Girls, I was Patriotism, and that is still my favorite station of the Rainbow. I'm actually a very patriotic person, which most people don't realize given how much I criticize this country.

The thing is, to me, patriotism DOES NOT mean unthinking, uncritical support. It does not mean the shallow adoration of propaganda that is so fragile it brooks no disagreement and demands complete conformity. That's nationalism, which passes itself off as patriotism, except with a xenophobic streak. Nationalism is the drive to say, "My country, right or wrong!" and "God Bless America, and no place else!" Nationalism is fearful, cowardly, weak. Nationalism dehumanizes. It leads only to atrocity, and should be avoided.

Patriotism, on the other hand, is more. It's the rest of the saying, "My country, right or wrong. When right, to be kept right, and when wrong, to be put right!" It's "God Bless America, and everyplace else!" It's the strong, unwavering love of country and culture that demands more, that expects improvement and the constant striving to better reach our stated ideals. Patriotism, unlike nationalism that crumbles, not only holds up against criticism of country, but demands it. Patriotism embodies the striving to enact the concept that All Are Created Equal, and anything that impedes that drive stands only in the way of patriotism. Patriotism is love of freedom, of culture and community, of individuality and expression, of the commonalities that draw us together and the differences that make such good sparks. It's the knowledge that if we don't hang together, we shall surely hang separately, but it's also the understanding that hanging together does not mean unthinking conformity. In fact, unthinking conformity is utterly incompatible with patriotism. Patriotism values the contributions of us all, knows that our strength is in our diversity and acceptance and willingness to grow as a people. Patriotism is knowing that the whole is more than the sum of its parts, but that if any part is devalued, the whole suffers as well.

Patriotism is the red of shared blood, the white of clear thought, and the blue of compassion. It is the strength of the soldiers and sailors who fight, the thinkers who drive our ideals, the carers who keep us going, the workers who build beauty out of nothing. It is the never-ending battle to be better today than we were yesterday, and better tomorrow than we are today. Patriotism does not settle. It does not exclude. It does not declare that only some are Americans, while others are not even human. Patriotism knows no divisions of race, age, region, sex and gender, religion, immigration status, choice of lovers or career or lifestyle or any other surface thing that claims to divide us. Patriotism embraces all Americans AS Americans, just Americans. Patriotism knows that we are all of us children of immigrants, yes even those who walked over the land-bridge so many thousands of years ago. It is the wonderful stew of our many cultural influences and diverse histories. It is the bitter taste of our failures, and the demand to not repeat them. Patriotism, as I said earlier, demands more.

I am an American, and I am a Patriot. I demand more.

Bast

Those FUCKING worthless gremlins, that I have graciously allowed to live in MY home provided they don't take keys, meds or cash, stole $20 right out of my purse. There is no way anyone else took it, as my son was in his room the entire time and so was dad, and anyway, dad gave me the money. There is no way I lost it in a store, since I discovered it missing at the first place I stopped. Those rotten little fuckers broke their agreement, AGAIN, even after I so kindly let them slide with just a beating when they took BOTH my car keys! But no more! They DO NOT take fucking CASH out of my PURSE and expect to continue to live in MY home!!!!!

I've blasted and banished them all. Let them fight with the birds and the gnomes outside, if they're going to break their promises. Little fuckers. They went too damned far this time, and forgot that I am a powerful witch who can and has blasted and banished them before. Last time, my meds turned up (NOT where I'd left them) so I let them return. Not this time. Even if my $20 turns up, no more gremlins in my house! This worthless batch cannot be trusted, so they cannot live here. Fuckers.

I feel a little bit like my head is going to explode.

I'm back from camping. It was fun, but kind of rainy. Nowhere near as bad as last year, though. And spending all that time with the kids is always a good thing.

Oh, and my ex nicknamed me Sparky McBurnholes...

Bast

The mouse turned up. Happy Bast.

My idiot cat knocked over the small table where my wireless mouse habitually lives, and now the damned thing has disappeared into the ether (the mouse, not the cat) and I can't find it. My room is clean for a change, too, so there's nowhere for the mouse to hide, yet I can't find it anywhere. This is damned annoying, as I hate the touchpad on laptop computers! They don't have nearly the control of a proper mouse, and I loathe working around not having a proper mouse. It's a pain in the ass!

Hopefully the damned thing will turn up before the end of the day. If not, I'm gonna have to get a new stinkin' mouse. The next one will have a damned wire, so when the idiot cat knocks the small table over, the stupid mouse will still be attached to the damned computer.

I'd rather the old one turn up, though. I don't want to spend money on a new one, dammit!

I haven't been posting much because I've been busy, and don't have much to say. I'm going camping in a week, and won't be around (like I have lately, ha!). Anyway, that's it.

At least my room is clean...

Today's Astroslam Horoscope for Leo:

Your dreams of world domination will be dashed today when it becomes clear that you aren't even the master of your own destiny and you have to shelve the idea of being a puppetmaster to your minions.

Curses! Foiled again!

a'course, there also is the slight problem that I don't actually have minions...

Today would have been my mom's 58th birthday. If she were still alive, we'd be going out about now, probably to buy rocks and dirt and flowers and BBQ supplies, then we'd work in the backyard and have a cookout.

I don't want to work in the backyard and have a cookout. I don't like being out there without her. I miss her.

Bast

Just got back from the doctor. I'm off the Celexa and onto Welbutrin. I have a good feeling about this change.

Your result for The Social Persona Test (What kind of man/woman are you?)...

The Renaissance Faire Wench (QLAF)

Quirky Liberal Alpha Female

( big-ass pic behind the cut )

You are perhaps the most popular result on OKCupid, but don’t worry, you are anything but common. I’m guessing you are quite flirtatious, but you are hardly reliant on men. You like to do things the mainstream would consider strange, (like dress in costume, perhaps?), but this gives you an irresistible allure. Eat, drink, and be merry, but make sure whoever you date respects you and does not take advantage of your laid-back attitude. (BTW, you are likely the only type who can see That Creepy Guy (NLBM) for who he is, helping him to bring out the Manga Geek (QLBM) inside. This does not mean you have to date one, however. You are quite flexible and can enjoy the company of many of the types.)

PS: You are one of my favorite types to date. If you happen to be between 20 and 30 and live in New England, perhaps you would like to send me a message.

--BookWyrm85 :-D

You are more QUIRKY than NORMAL.

You are more LIBERAL than TRADITIONAL.

You are more DOMINANT than PASSIVE.

When picking a date, consider: The Lord of the Misfits (QLAM), The Fratt Boy (NLAM), The Snowball's Chance in Hell (QTBM), The Manga Geek (QLBM), or That Creepy Guy (NLBM).

(Image from http://www.buycostumes.com/Lock-Lace-Bodice-Navy-Renaissance-Collection-Adult/27296/ProductDetail.aspx)

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Take The Social Persona Test (What kind of man/woman are you?) at HelloQuizzy

Y'know that feeling you get when you know you've been manipulated, lied to, or screwed over, but in so sneaky and subtle a way that you can't actually get mad without winding up accused of "overreacting?" Now there's a word for it.

krepichy.

Narcissists are particularly apt to use this trick. So are those whose only talent it building a cult of personality around themselves, in order to manipulate others into doing their dirty work for them. They screw you over, then act so innocent and sweet that you find yourself doubting your own senses. That's krepichy.

We've all been victims of it, and stewed and seethed because there was no word for it, so we can't name it and call it out. Now there is. Learn it, know it, use it, spread it around.

I very much look forward to the day when karma strikes. The sooner, the better, for I find myself impatient for lessons to be painfully learned. I want it to be big, I want it to be as proportionally ugly as necessary, and I want it to be 100% undeniably their own damned fault, presented in such a way that nobody can muster up even a half-hearted defense.

So do I send this out to the gods. So do I call for balance and justice, for the wrong things to be set right. So do I call for stupidity and malice's own cleansing fires to clear the land of choking deadwood and nourish the drained earth, that new growth might flourish in defiance of all wrongness. So mote it be!

In a word, maybe.

I believe that in American culture, most people simply assume the default setting for a sexual or romantic relationship is monogamy. We're all force-fed a steady diet of spouse-house-kids through the media, pop culture, often family, friends and certainly the work environment. Look at the debate over gay marriage, for example. The opposing side insists "marriage is between one man and one woman" (pardon me while I gag), while most supporters don't even stop to consider the possibility that a non-monogamous relationship is even an option, let alone a valid one. On the rare occasions it's raised as a possibility, it's usually offered up by opponents of same-sex-marriage as part of the "slippery slope" argument (pardon me while I gag again, please), while the even rarer times it's addressed by supporters, it's usually in a "wait your turn" frame of mind.

Look at how many stories center around cheating, its immorality, and its consequences. Hell, I don't think a single daytime soap would still be on the air were it not for the cheating storylines, and most other media falls right in line. So yeah, it's kind of impossible not to "believe" in monogamy-as-default, when our society is clearly set up with that as the norm, or at least the ideal we're all "supposed" to reach for.

On the other hand, I don't really think humans are by nature mate-for-life types. I'm not even convinced most of us are serial-monogamy types, though I'm sure that's more common. Nearly everybody I know who has been in a relationship that was accepted (most times unspokenly) as monogamous has cheated, been cheated on, or both. Once in a while, the relationship is officially opened, which strikes me as a better idea but still not monogamy, and even then can lead to cheating or being cheated on, or both.

So it seems to me that everybody just assumes that everybody else believes in monogamy, accepts it as right and true and ideal, but not many people can actually practice it. Some couples manage, after much trial and error and usually a forgiven screw-up or two, to navigate monogamy eventually, but it's clearly work. Whether it's work worth doing or not is up to each individual and their relationship.

For myself, I don't believe in relationships at all. I believe that I, personally, will remain as I am and have been for most of the past dozen years----single, with the occasional friends-with-benefits encounter, and even those rarely more than once a year, and never for more than a few months at a time. I believe that while there may be a "lid for every pot," as the saying goes, I am a griddle, and griddles don't have lids. I believe that the signs I see portending love are subconscious wishful thinking on my part, brought on by being as soaked in this One Twu Wuv culture as everybody else. While I'm open to the possibility (it's not a good idea to say "never" to signs and portents), I believe they're not much of anything, really, since I have seen them before and here I am, still single. I believe that if the gods want me mated, which I doubt like hell, they will have to drop said mate pretty much right in my lap with a flashing neon sign that says, "This one is for you, and you are for this one!"

Shyeah, like that'll ever happen. Hasn't in a dozen years, signs be damned, and I see no reason to think it'll change now. And I'm fine with that, since I am not convinced that I can be monogamous, anyway. I haven't really tried since I was in my early 20's, with my ex-husband. I'm not sure I know how. I'm not even sure I want to learn. I've finally gotten content with being single. I'm happy this way. I'd like to stay this way, happily single and not fixated on "being in love" with any person or even the idea of being in a relationship. All of my experiences with love, and I do mean ALL of them, that weren't a family-type or friend-type as opposed to romantic-type love, have been bad. A few started off good at first, then went sharply and rapidly downhill. Most were just a clusterfuck from the beginning, and whether I fought against my own feelings or not never made a damned bit of difference. Only one made it to the year-anniversary and beyond, and that was with my ex husband. Even with him, I vastly prefer the friendship we have now to the oft-times dramatic relationship we had then.

Right now I am celibate, and plan to stay that way. Yeah, I've got about three different guys (no girls, sadly) that I have a more-or-less open invitation for FWB with, but I'm just as content to keep myself to myself. Maybe if I volunteer for CTRF, I'll hook back up with My Hottie, but even that will be just a Faire-fling, as it was before.

So for myself, monogamy is a moot point. For everybody else, I think it's attainable if you want it and are agreed. If you don't, then at least be open and honest about your non-monogamy. After all, it is my firm opinion that the damage from cheating doesn't come from not being monogamous, per se, but from the lies and neglect to the primary partner that make up the cheating. It's cheating because you're breaking your word, not because you're screwing someone else. This is why "emotional affairs," ones that don't involve any sex at all but nonetheless are drenched in lies and neglect, are every bit as damaging as the more traditional variety. That can be a huge problem even in an open relationship, nevermind a monogamous one.

So do I believe in monogamy? Maybe. I believe that it's held up as THE ideal, the one thing that defines a romance, and I'm not sure that's a good idea. I believe it's doable if you work at it, and I believe that it is, in fact, damned hard work. I also believe that non-monogamy is damned hard work, too, and probably trickier to maintain that one-on-one romances.

I also believe that I will never again be faced with having to maintain it. And I'm content with that. In the extraordinarily unlikely event I AM faced with it, I will, as my ex so adroitly puts it, burn that bridge when I get there. I doubt like hell I will ever get there, and if the gods take that as a challenge, then so be it. Experience is experience, and my experience says I am and always will be single. That's fine with me. At heart, I believe monogamy is hard and overrated, and non-monogamy extraordinarily difficult. Neither option appeals to me anymore.

Bast

So I've got the goddamned flu, but I have no way of being certain if it's the Dreaded Swine Flu or what, since RI is monkeying with the numbers in an effort to avoid a panic. Basically, unless you're willing to be hospitalized, you can't get tested for swine flu, and I don't have the insurance to be hospitalized. But my brother had a flu that didn't test under any other variety, and my dad had the same flu, and now I'm showing symptoms bigtime. So you do the math.

This whole thing is a ridiculous clusterfuck of a media hype, anyway. The flu I've got is no worse than any other spring flu I've ever gotten. It's as annoying as the regular spring flus that we get every 3-4 years, and no more. I'm hot, I'm dizzy, I ache in places that I didn't know had nerve endings to ache with, and I'm crabby as an episode of Deadliest Catch, but it's honestly no big deal. So long as I stay in bed and keep movement to a minimum, I'm mostly OK.

Stupid media and their stupid panics. All I need is rest, ibuprofen, and to be away from stupid people who work my nerves. I've got anime filled with hot guys kicking ass and/or bleeding everywhere, and I've got a soft bed, and I've got enough fluids, so I'm set.

But yeah, now you can all say you know someone who probably has swine flu, and it's a big fat load of nothing at all.

You Are Shampoo

You are refreshing and cheerful. You don't hold on to a lot of baggage in life. You are a true optimist. For you, every day is a fresh start. You are confident and bold. You are proud of who you are, simple as that. You are passionate about life and its possibilities. You don't hold back.

Interesting, given that I don't actually use shampoo anymore, and wash my hair with sage, baking soda, and sea salt instead...

I had the most horrific nightmare last night. I don't want to go into details, since it was that ugly. I woke up in the middle of the story (it was a story-nightmare with a plot and everything) and I don't want to know how it ends, either. Gah!

Comment here saying you want to play. I will find seven things off of your profile and you have to post in your journal with why you are interested in them. At that time, I will comment and squee. And possibly also participate in the fun by having you choose seven of my interests. We will go round and round and round.


misscam picked androgynous pretty boys, butterflies, cold-hearted bastard anti-heroes, geekdom, loud and angry music, sex, the astral plane. So, in order.

1) androgynous pretty boys: Nearly every male, fictional or non, animated or real, that I have lusted after significantly has turned out to lean decidedly towards the androgynous pretty boy side of the male-attractiveness-spectrum. There are exceptions, but they are few and far between. Generally speaking, I like my men pretty and a little bit on the "are they gay?" side of things. I dunno why. I just always have, as long as I can remember.

2) butterflies: I like their shape. I like all the colors they come in. I like the erratic way they fly. I like that they are symbols of transformation and change. Most of all, I like that something so beautiful as a butterfly comes from something so squicky as a caterpillar. Butterflies remind me that beauty can be found in strange and unexpected places, if you wait long enough.

3) cold-hearted bastard anti-heroes: Well, aside from the truism that the Magnificent Bastards are generally the most interesting characters outside of the villain, I also appreciate the escapism of watching cold-hearted bastard anti-heroes do and/or say all the nasty or vicious things that I want to, but am too soft-hearted to actually do. It's not that I fangirl them so much as I want to BE them.

4) geekdom: All the best stuff in the world, and most of the best people, are some part of the geekdom. Geeks is good folks. All my favorite stuff is geeky, too. So there ya go.

5) loud and angry music: Though my musical tastes have widened over the years, I still gravitate first and best towards the music that helps me channel my anger. From Ride of the Valkyries to Welcome to the Jungle and beyond, the music I like best is loud and dark and angry and mean. This preference probably comes from the same place my love of cold-hearted bastard anti-heroes comes from.

6) sex: I would think this one generally self-explanatory. I might be very picky and disinclined to chase after sex, but I like it just fine. Multiple orgasms FTW!

7) the astral plane: The astral plane (or the realm of my imagination, I'm open to that being the case) is a varied and interesting place. I love to explore it, to work in it, and to see who or what I may run into there. This is another one I've been fascinated with since I was a little girl.

And there ya go. Feel free to play if you wish.
Bast

I have absolutely no idea how to name my dorsal dragons. The rest of my dragons are named in some (frequently obscure) manner after their breeds, but I'm at a loss with the dorsals. It doesn't help that they come in two colors, so my system ultimately needs to be broad enough encompass eight, rather than my usual four, dragons----one adult male, one adult female, one frozen hatchling male and one frozen hatchling female of each color. I'm open to having two related systems that lend themselves better to four names, like how the stone dragons are named after rock musicians while the geodes are named after a combo of one-hit wonders and shiny rocks (with the exception of one being named after the singer of a local band I used to follow, a long-long time ago).

I'm toying with the idea of using scientific names for sea-creatures that have dorsal fins, but I'm not sure if it'll work. I looked into translations of "dorsal," but half the translations I found for "dorsal" ARE "dorsal." So I'm kinda stuck. Thoughts, suggestions, ideas?